Nothing on Earth
by liv-elea
Summary: Alternate version of New Moon, chapter 3, "The End": Edward tells Bella he doesn't want her. What if Bella at least tries to fight for Edward? What if Edward isn't able to leave her? What if their love is stronger than their doubts? Now complete!
1. Bella

**Disclaimer: **_I disclaim._

**A/N:** _I wrote this because even though I know that Edward leaving Bella was necessary for lots of reasons and that the entire story would've turned out quite differently if he hadn't; but still, every time I read that particular scene, I wish that this time, Edward would stay. So I hope by writing this I can get that out of my head._

_Everything until the first horizontal line is taken from __New Moon, pages 68-73 (hardcover)__- so if you're familiar with the scene and/or don't want to read it again, you can just skip it._

* * *

**Nothing on Earth **

Bella's Point of View

* * *

Edward leaned against a tree and stared at me, his expression unreadable.

"Okay, let's talk," I said. It sounded braver than I felt.

He took a deep breath.

"Bella, we're leaving."

I took a deep breath, too. This was an acceptable option. I thought I was prepared. But I still had to ask.

"Why now? Another year-"

"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."

His answer confused me. I thought the point of leaving was to let his family live in peace. Why did we have to leave if they were going? I stared at him, trying to understand what he meant.

He stared back coldly.

With a roll of nausea, I realized I'd misunderstood.

"When you say _we_-," I whispered.

"I mean my family and myself." Each word seperate and distinct.

I shook my head back and forth mechanically, trying to clear it. He waited without any sign of impatience. It took a few minutes before I could speak.

"Okay," I said. "I'll come with you."

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going... It's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the right place for me."

"I'm no good for you, Bella."

"Don't be ridiculous." I wanted to sound angry, but just sounded like I was begging. "You're the very best part of my life."

"My world is not for you," he said grimly.

"What happened with Jasper- that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

"You're right," he agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected."

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay-"

"As long as that was best for you," he interrupted to correct me.

"_No!_ This is about my soul, isn't it?" I shouted, furious, the words exploding out of me- somehow it still sounded like a plea. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you- it's yours already!"

He took a deep breath and stared, unseeingly, at the ground for a long moment. His mouth twisted the tiniest bit. When he finally looked up, his eyes were different, harder- like the liquid gold had frozen solid.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying.

There was a pause as I repeated the words in my head a few times, sifting through them for their real intent.

"You... don't... want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, in that order.

"No."

I stared, uncomprehending, into his eyes. He stared back without apology. His eyes were like topaz- hard and clear and very deep. I felt like I could see into them for miles and miles, yet nowhere in their bottomless depth could I see a contradiction to the words he'd spoken.

"Well, that changes things." I was surprised by how calm and reasonable my voice sounded. It must be because I was so numb. I couldn't realize what he was telling me. It still didn't make any sense.

He looked away into the trees as he spoke again. "Of course, I'll always love you... in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm... _tired _of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I'm not human." He looked back, and the icy planes of his perfect face were _not_ human. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."

"Don't." My voice was just a whisper now; awareness was beginning to seep through me, trickling like acid through my veins. "Don't do this."

He just stared at me, and I could see from his eyes that my words were far too late. He already had.

"You're not good for me, Bella." He turned his earlier words around, so that I had no argument. How well I knew that I wasn't good enough for him.

I opened my mouth to say something, and then closed it again. He waited patiently, his face wiped clean of all emotion. I tried again.

"If... that's what you want."

He nodded once.

My whole body went numb. I couldn't feel anything below the neck.

"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," he said.

I wonder what he saw on my face, because something flickered across his own face in response. But, before I could identify it, he'd composed his features into the same serene mask.

"Anything," I vowed, my voice faintly stronger.

As I watched, his frozen eyes melted. The gold became liquid again, molten, burning down into mine with an intensity that was overwhelming.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," he ordered, no longer detached. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I nodded helplessly.

His eyes cooled, the distance returned. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself- for him."

I nodded again. "I will," I whispered.

He seemed to relax just a little.

"And I'll make you a promise in return," he said. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."

My knees must have started to shake, because the trees were suddenly wobbling. I could hear the blood pounding faster than normal behind my ears. His voice sounded farther away.

He smiled gently. "Don't worry. You're human- your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

"And your memories?" I asked. I sounded like there was something stuck in my throat, like I was choking.

"Well"- he hesitated for a short second- "I won't forget. But _my _kind... we're very easily distracted." He smiled; the smile was tranquil and it did not touch his eyes.

He took a step away from me. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

The plural caught my attention. That surprised me; I would have thought I was beyond noticing anything.

"Alice isn't coming back," I realized. I don't know how he heard me- the words made no sounds- but he seemed to understand.

He shook his head slowly, always watching my face.

"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?" My voice was blank with disbelief.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."

I was dizzy; it was hard to concentrate. His words swirled around in my head, and I heard the doctor at the hospital in Phoenix, last spring, as he showed me the X-rays. _You can see it's a clean break_, his fingers traced along the picture of my severed bone. _That's good. It will heal more easily, more quickly._

I tried to breathe normally. I needed to concentrate to find a way out of this nightmare.

"Goodbye, Bella," he said in the same quite, peaceful voice.

"Wait!" I choked out the word, reaching for him, willing my deadened legs to carry me forward.

I thought he was reaching for me, too. But his cold hands locked around my wrists and pinned them to my sides. He leaned down, and pressed his lips very lightly to my forehead for the briefest instant. My eyes closed.

"Take care of yourself," he breathed, cool against my skin.

* * *

I instinctively knew that these were intended to be his parting words; and it was in this moment that I knew I could not- would not- let him go. Something was not right.

I was torn between what I'd always felt- that I wasn't good enough for him- and my acute awareness that every second, my life would be taken away from me- was taking itself away from me- Edward would be leaving.

I struggled to find my voice. "No!" I finally managed to get out. "Don't do this!"

I felt his hands let go of my wrists and I opened my eyes, afraid I would find that he was already gone, but he was still there, standing before me.

"Bella-" he started, his eyes still smooth as glass, void of emotions.

This was not the Edward I knew. Fleetingly, I wondered if I could have been wrong the entire time, if I didn't knew him as I thought I did after all; but I pushed these thoughts aside. I had to get a reaction out of him, some way, somehow. At last, the numbness was gone.

"So all of it was a lie?" I shouted angrily, surprised by the volume of my voice. "Every word, every look, every touch, every kiss? You _now_ decide that you don't want me- that I'm not good enough-" my voice broke. The anger was gone as quickly as it had come; despair had taken its place. I fought to keep the first tears from falling.

Edward had closed his eyes.

"What did I do, Edward? What did I do wrong? Why didn't you tell me this earlier? Why did you lead me on for so long? I would have understood- I always knew I wasn't enough- that wouldn't be able to hold you-" But once again, I couldn't continue. A sob had forced its way up my throat, and I couldn't hold the tears back any longer. They rolled down my face and I impatiently wiped them away. I had to be able to see clearly.

I watched Edward's face closely. Pain was etched into every single one of his beautiful features. I was torn between feeling relieved that he was finally showing a reaction and feeling wretched because I was causing him pain- because I made doing what he wanted to do difficult for him. Doubt once again filled me, but I fought it down. I had to stand my ground.

Edward's eyes slowly opened, and I stared into them- the swirling pools of gold, alive, once again filled with emotion, looked at me with an intensity that I should have been used to, but still made my heart beat ridiculously quickly.

"Bella-" he started, and I was surprised to hear that his voice was raw, unstable. "Don't cry."

"'Don't cry?' You say that you don't love me and you expect me to show no emotion?" I had intended my voice to be sharp and sarcastic, but I choked out the words rather than said them.

Edward's face contorted as if he'd been stabbed and my heart lurched painfully.

"I never said I didn't love you," he finally said.

I laughed joylessly. "Why else would you leave me?"

"Bella, please don't blame this on yourself. It is my fault, mine alone, but I have made my decision."

I knew I was close to hysterics. "Not blame this on myself? How could I not? I'm the human here, the plain, boring human girl who is a walking- no, stumbling and falling danger magnet."

Edward was still looking at me with that look on his face that made my heart ache. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and then he opened them again. He looked as if he'd made a decision.

"Bella, I'm leaving you so you can live the life you deserve- It's me who is constantly putting you in danger when you should have a happy human life. You will go to college, you will work, you will have a- husband", he hesitated slightly before saying the word, "you will have children. You will find someone who will give you everything I couldn't give you... Everything I will never be able to give you..." He trailed off, and I opened my mouth to say something, but apparently he hadn't finished.

"Don't you see, Bella?" he said urgently. "Don't you see that I'm doing this for you?"

I looked at him, saw the pleading look in his eyes, and knew he really meant what he was saying, really thought he was doing me a favor by leaving me. Oh, God.

"How could you ever think you leaving me would do me any good? I don't want an ordinary, human life. I wouldn't marry and I wouldn't have children because I would never find someone I love the way I love you. I don't want anything I can't have with you." And it was true. I hoped he could hear the certainty and conviction with which I spoke these words.

"Bella, you can't know that. Your feelings may change." Edward's voice was full of emotion.

"My feelings won't change, Edward. I'm yours, whether you want me or not."

"You shouldn't want me, Bella. Everything about me- my very existence- is putting you in danger, _please_ grasp that."

I scoffed. "Edward, you're not the one putting me in danger, you're the one saving me from it. If it weren't for you, I'd have been flat as a pancake the day the van almost hit me!"

"Don't joke about that," he responded, his eyes tight.

"I'm not joking. I'm dead serious."

He stood before me, motionless.

This was going nowhere. I was suddenly painfully aware of my exhaustion, both mental and physical. I couldn't stand this anymore, the confusion, not knowing what it was he really meant, he really wanted. I _needed_ to know... so I could do everything to fulfil his wishes, for better or for worse. I had never been more afraid to ask a question.

"Edward... tell me what you want. Be honest with me. Tell me why you want to leave. If you- don't love me anymore- if you really don't want me- if the danger thing is only an excuse- I promise I'll let you go. I won't argue anymore. I'll let you go." I felt as if it wasn't me speaking the words.

I couldn't look at Edward. I couldn't bear see the passive look he'd probably have on his face or his unemotional eyes. Tears were running from my eyes and down my face in rapid succession and I turned my head even farther away from him so he wouldn't see them.

An immeasurable amount of time had passed before I realized that it wasn't only me who was taking unsteady, ragged breaths.

"Bella," I finally heard Edward's perfect voice say. "Bella, look at me."

I couldn't resist his words. I turned my head and looked at him. I wondered briefly if that was a mistake, but then his eyes caught mine and I didn't think anymore.

His eyes... I didn't think they'd ever looked the way they did now. They were impossibly intense... Desperate, pained, doubtful... My heart ached. And yet there was one emotion I was familiar with... Maybe I was only imagining it, but I was stupid enough to let myself hope.

"Edward... if you really don't want me, tell me now." I held my breath, acutely aware of my heart beating in my chest and my blood rushing in my veins. The moment of truth... it had come.

"I want you, I'll always want you," Edward breathed, and it took a moment until the words registered in my brain, until I understood I had actually heard them. Finally, _finally_ my heartbeat wasn't fast because I was nervous anymore, but because his words affected me in a way that no one else's ever would. But I still felt no relief.

"So does this mean you'll stay?" I asked. The pressure on my heart made it impossible for me to breathe.

Edward looked torn, emotions flickering over his face, while I waited, still not breathing.

"Do you want me to?" he finally settled on asking.

My answer was immediate. "Yes," I breathed, "Yes. Edward, there's nothing I want more. Stay with me. Forever."

He didn't react to my words. Maybe he really didn't want to stay. But he'd said he wanted me… But what if he hadn't meant that? If I'd pressured him into saying it or if it was only out of sympathy for me? I couldn't force him into this. His happiness was more important than mine.

"Edward- as I said, you don't have to stay with me if you really want to leave. If you don't-"

To my surprise, he laughed. It wasn't a very joyful laugh, but a laugh nonetheless. It sent pleasant shivers down my spine.

"Bella", he smiled, "Oh, Bella. I want you, I meant it."

Relief flooded me and it made me feel giddy and pleasantly light-headed.

"And Bella...," he said again, and his velvet voice was full of warmth and tenderness and made me feel like I was standing on a cloud. "As I said, I never wanted to leave because I didn't love you. It was quite the opposite, actually. I never could have even tried to leave you if I hadn't loved you the way I do. Bella, I love you."

And I believed him. It was an incredible feeling.

There he stood, before me, my Edward. And I couldn't stand the distance between us for one more second.

I flung myself into his arms, which were already opened for me the moment I reached him. I rested my head against his chest, breathing in deeply, and he gently lay his head on mine, and I enjoyed the feeling of his hands on my back, his arms pulling me against him, close, so close. I was where I belonged.

I don't know how long we stood there, holding each other. He whispered my name again and again, at times happily, at times melancholy, while his name left my lips in a relieved whisper.

I never wanted to let him go, but I knew there were things we had to talk about, questions I had to ask, no matter how painful it would be.

"You really wanted to do it, didn't you? You had made your decision. You really wanted to leave me."

I lifted my head off his chest and leaned back so I could look him in the face. He was struggling with himself, trying to decide what to say, as he had done several times today.

But he looked me in the eyes, and I knew he'd be honest with me.

"Yes, I wanted to leave you. After what happened on your birthday... I thought it would be best... I couldn't stand the thought of you being hurt because of me... Because I, being the selfish, egoistic creature I am, wasn't able to stay away from you. "

"Edward," I whispered, and lifted my hand to caress his smooth, cool cheek.

He closed his eyes, seeming to enjoy my touch.

"I don't know how I could ever have thought I would be able to leave you and live without you," he breathed. "That I'd be able to lie to you."

"So you lied, did you?"

"Yes, I did," he said, frowning. "I would never told a single one of those lies if I hadn't been convinced I was doing what was best for you...only for you... And I should have been stronger... I'm a very good liar. I have to be. I was prepared to lie to you for hours. But you... your words... you are far too perceptive, you know me far too well... I can't lie to you the way I lie to other humans. And the way you looked at me-" He swallowed.

"You _are_ a very good liar. You were very convincing. Absolutely emotionless. I believed you when you said you didn't want me," I said honestly. Speaking about this hurt, but I could easily stand the pain now I was in his arms.

"I saw that. In the beginning, you believed every word. You didn't contradict me, you accepted my outrageous lies. Why, Bella? Why did you even believe one of my ridiculous, absurd words?"

This would be painful.

"Because you were so very right... I'm not good enough for you, I never will be." My voice was not as steady as I had wanted it to be, speaking these words of undeniable truth. "I still wonder how I could have made you stay." I shivered, remembering how close I had come to losing him.

"Bella...," he sighed. "There is no way I could live without you. Even trying to leave you hurt more than I can stand... You can't imagine how difficult it was for me, lying to you. No one has ever made me react the way I do when I'm around you. I thought I was prepared to say goodbye and remain distant- I really am a fool, the biggest fool. I know now that I won't be able to leave you as long as you don't say you want me to."

"I will never want you to," I said. "I'm sorry, but you'll have to continue saving me from danger."

He chuckled. "I will. I won't let anyone harm you," he fiercely promised.

He laughed again, louder this time.

"What is it?" I asked curiously.

"Alice. I can hear her thoughts from miles away. She's overjoyed. They'll all be back before tonight."

"I'll see Alice again!" I exclaimed happily.

"Yes, you will," he said. "She's looking forward to seeing you. They all are. None of them approved of my decision. They didn't want to see what I'd be like without you. I was bad enough in the last days, trying to make up my mind."

His hands left my back and he put them on both sides of my face. His thumbs lightly caressed my cheeks and I felt that oh-so-familiar rush of blood into my face. I didn't have time to be embarrassed, though, because he spoke again.

"I'm sorry... so very sorry... No words of apology will ever be enough for what I did," he said, his voice strangled, his self-disgust evident in his eyes.

I couldn't bear to see him like this. "Don't be sad," I pleaded him. "Don't be angry with yourself. I understand what you wanted to do. It's okay."

"No, it's not, and it never will be." He sighed. "All I know is that I have to be where you are."

I smiled. "That is a very good thing, because I love you."

"I love you too," he replied, and I knew these words would always, always make me feel the rush of happiness they did now. What a wonderful thought.

Still holding my face in his hands, Edward lowered his head until is lips were inches from mine. His cool breath caressed my face and I closed my eyes in anticipation.

His lips touched mine and I was lost in the sensation. My hands touched his face and then ran through his hair. His thumbs stroke my cheeks and then my ears, and then trailed down to my neck.

His smooth, perfect, irresistible lips moved in tune with mine and I was soaring, flying, closer to the sun than I had ever been.

Too soon, I was back on earth. His lips left mine, though his face hovered barely inches from mine. "Breathe, Bella," he whispered, and I took a huge, much needed breath while focusing on his eyes. Golden, sparkling, magnificent... I regretted that I could never closely look at every wonderful part of him at once.

There was once last thing I had to ask. "Edward... You won't ever do something like this again, will you? Promise me."

"I will stay by your side as long as you want me to. I promise." The honesty and intensity of his voice let his words reverberate inside me pleasantly. He pulled me close to him again, one hand on my back, the other on the back of my head, pressing my head against his chest.

And I knew that it would probably hit me later on how close I had come to losing Edward, and that there were still problems left to solve, questions unanswered- but I would think about that some other day. We still had time.

Today, I would simply be happy that Edward was still here with me, that we would continue to fight because we knew it would be worth it. Because we loved each other. Nothing on earth could change that.

* * *

**A/N: **_So yeah, that's it. I feel embarrassed. First of all, I want to apologize for any spelling/grammar mistakes I have made. English is not my native language, I've only learned it at school._

_Secondly, I think now I can at last entirely understand why authors often beg for reviews. Thus, I promise to write more reviews in the future._


	2. Edward

**Disclaimer: **_I disclaim._

**A/N: **_This is it- the "finished product"._

* * *

**Nothing on Earth **

Edward's Point of View

* * *

I leaned against a tree, trying to appear nonchalant. There were no humans in close proximity, which made blocking their thoughts out very simple. I would need all my concentration for what I was about to do.

Bella stood in front of me and I could not help staring at her impossibly beautiful face, her soulful eyes- they would forever be imprinted into my memory, but I had never been able to resist looking at them. Her scent was all around me; I distinctly noticed that the scorching thirst which so regularly burned my throat when I was around her- so very dangerous for her, and yet not the most dangerous thing I had exposed her to- was reduced to a minimum. It was barely noticeable, drowned out by the immeasurably greater pain that even the thought of leaving Bella caused me. I desperately struggled to keep my facial expression neutral.

"Okay, let's talk," she said, the effort she made to mask the anxiesty in her voice noticeable to me - it seemed to pierce my cold, lifeless heart, making it ache in the way only Bella could. She was anxious about talking to me; she never should have had to be... Of course my remote behaviour couldn't have escaped her notice. I wondered if she had also perceived how difficult it had been fo me to act that way towards her, how much I had longed to touch her, kiss her, how much I had struggled with myself.

I took a deep breath- an entirely unnecessary human gesture, a reminder of how much my behaviour had been changed because of Bella- as if I needed one... I steeled myself to say the inevitable words, tell the most outrageous of the numerous lies of my existence... I had mentally prepared myself for this for days now. I was an expert liar, and I had never needed this despicable skill more.

"Bella, we're leaving." The words were relatively easy to say because they were true. I was still watching Bella's face; she was remarkably composed. She probably didn't understand the implications of my words- how could she?

It was her turn to take a deep breath; I saw her chest heave.

"Why now? Another year-" I despised myself for the rudeness with which I interrupted her.

"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd had to start over soon regardless."

It was true, it was all true. And it wouldn't have mattered in the slightest if our presence wouldn't put Bella in danger.

Bella was confused; I knew her well enough to be able to tell that she was slowly figuring out the meaning behind my words. She was staring at my face, and I wanted her to understand what it was that I was telling her while at the same time, selfish creature that I was, I desperately hoped she wouldn't. Using all my skill, all the expertise gained in 105 years as a monster, I tried to not let my inner torment show on my face or in my eyes.

Bella's facial expression changed to a look of understanding, horrible understanding.

"When you say _we-,_" she whispered, and once again I determined how the sentence ended.

"I mean my family and myself." I focused on pronouncing each of the words separately; it was easier, not having to say them in their entirety.

She stood in front of me, so small, so breakable, so innocent, and she shook her head back and forth, sending a fresh wave of her delicious, tempting smell, the smell that was our curse and that would forever embedded in my memory.

I waited for Bella to speak. I was anxious to hear what she would say, wondering which direction her thoughts had taken, as I had countless times before...

"Okay," she said, the strength and certainty of her voice surprising me. "I'll come with you."

_If you knew how much I want you to…._

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going... It's not the right place for you." No place where I was was right for her.

"Where you are is the right place for me." And so she contradicted me. If only she could be right.

"I'm no good for you, Bella." The words, so correct, so right, so _painfully_, _agonizingly_ right...

"Don't be ridiculous," she said. "You're the very best part of my life." If only I could agree, if only it could be the truth. I didn't deserve to be part of her life, and she didn't deserve being forced to become part of my world.

"My world is not for you," I told her, my voice grim.

"What happened with Jasper- that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

"You're right," I agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected." I had been too blind to see, too unwanting to realize that it had been only a matter of time until being around me put Bella's life in acute danger once again.

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay-" Ah. The promise. The promise...

"As long as it was best for you," I corrected her. And me being around her had never been what was best for her, as much as I had tried to delude myself into thinking otherwise.

"_No!_ This is about my soul, isn't it?", Bella shouted, furious. Straight to the point, as always, my Bella.

"Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward! I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you- it's yours already!" She was so eager to give up her most precious possession. I was torn between a brief, but intense feeling of happiness- despicable, undeserved happiness- at hearing that she would so readily surrender her soul to me, and the desperate knowledge that I could never, would never take her soul from her- it would be the worst of the many crimes I had committed and I would never be able to forgive myself for it.

I took a deep breath and stared, unseeingly, at the ground. My mouth twisted as I realized that she wouldn't let go and I fought against the part in me that didn't want her to. I would have to take a different approach- one I had desperately hoped would be avoidable, unnecessary, because it was incomparably harder, but I had no other choice.

I knew I had to tell the most atrocious, abominable lie of all. For her, so it would be easier for her to move on. For her- for Bella- I had to be strong enough to do this.

I mentally detached myself from the words I was going to say to her. Banning every emotion from my eyes, feeling them just that much stronger inside me, I braced myself for doing the impossible. It was time; I looked up.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." I spoke the words slowly, clearly, every single one painful. I knew I would not be able to say them again.

I stared at Bella's face, trying to read her expression, fathom her thoughts...

"You... don't... want me?", she finally asked, and each word was piercing me. I knew what I had to answer... the worst of all lies, the very blackest kind of blasphemy...

"No."

Bella stared into my eyes. She did not seem to understand my words. How could she? There was no truth in them. She knew better. I knew I had to be prepared to lie for hours to even plant the seed of doubt into her mind.

I returned Bella's stare, not allowing myself to really _see_ her; and it was only with more than 80 years of training that I managed to not let my eyes give my feelings away. _For Bella_, I chanted in my head. _For Bella..._

"Well, that changes things." Bella's voice sounded calm and reasonable, accepting, resigned... It hit me by surprise, unpleasant, painful surprise. Surely there was no possibility- not the slightest possibility that she had believed my lie, not this quickly, she knew better... Or did she? Did I not show her how much I love her, did she have no concept at all of how much I needed her? I forced myself to abandon that train of thought; it was _good _that she believed me so quickly, it would make things infinitely easier for me. It was inevitable to continue; I had to destroy every ounce of conviction of my love she might have left.

I turned my head in the direction of the trees; speaking would be easier without looking at Bella's face, but even with my eyes fixated on the trees, all I saw was her.

"Of course, I'll always love you... in a way." _In every way_, my mind screamed at me, _I will love you in every single way a person can love another, with every fibre of my despicable being, every single day of forever..._

I forced myself to continue. "But what happened the other night-" I flinched internally at the memory, I had almost, _almost_ been too late... "-made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm... _tired_ of pretending something I'm not, Bella." As if I wouldn't pretend to be anything, everything for her. "I'm not human." However much I wished I was... so I could be with her.

I turned my head back to look at her once I had ascertained that my face was smooth, expressionless, merciless, a mask. The face of a vampire.

"I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that." And I truly was. I should have never gotten involved with her, I had no right to want her, I should never have returned after smelling her blood for the first time. Yet I had not been able to- with everything I was, I was drawn to her, dependent on her, and I loathed myself all the more for the impact that had had on her life.

"Don't," she whispered, and it pained me to hear her voice, her beautiful voice, one of the most significant sounds in my world, succeeded only by her heartbeat and her breathing, that incomparable voice, hopeless and pleading. She should never have to plead for anything. "Don't do this."

I just stared at her, the fight against my emotions raging inside, me while I convinced myself that the decision I had made was unalterable, as unchanging as it was inexcusable, as every part of me ached with longing for Bella.

"You're no good for me, Bella," I said. It was the only way.

Keeping my face carefully blank, I scrutinized hers. Every part of my mind, all my senses were concentrated on her, nothing but her. She opened her mouth and I waited anxiously for the words she would say, but she hesitated. When the words finally came, they were different from what I had expected. But then, with Bella, they always were.

"If... that's what you want." Quiet, apathetic, impossibly accepting...

My head felt heavy, my neck stiff; it took all the force of my mind to will my body to nod in response. I hoped the physical gesture would be certain, decisive, convincing, a subsitute for the voice I knew would fail me if I tried to use it.

Bella stood still, frozen to the spot and as motionless as I'd ever seen in a human.

It was time to ask the question, ask her a favor even though I had not the slightest right to, because it was of essential importance, because I would not be able to leave without knowing she was safe or at least trying to be, as safe as Bella could ever be even without me endangering her.

"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," I finally said. Her face, the pain in her eyes, the willingness to oblige me after all I had done, it was all visible to me. I couldn't suppress the flash of emotion that flickered over my face before I carefully rearranged my features back into that mask behind which I could hide. I berated myself for my weakness, the lack of control I was only subject to whenever Bella was around.

"Anything," Bella vowed, her voice painfully helpless, but undeniably sincere... And here I was, ...

I was not able to keep up my facade and stay detached then. I laid all my power of persuasion, all my force, my pleading, into the words I spoke next.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," I ordered firmly. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

She nodded, and the relief which flooded me helped me regain my distance. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself- for him." And for me.

Bella nodded again. "I will," she confirmed.

My stiff posture relaxed just a little, knowing that I had gotten this vastly important point across. Living without her would be that miniscule, but essential bit easier for me. It was time for my promise in return to make her life easier.

"And I'll make you a promise in return," I said. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed." As it should be.

Bella started to tremble and I was afraid she would fall. I would have to catch her then, and I was not sure if I'd be able to let go... I carefully observed her. She was still shaking slightly, but seemed in no danger of losing her footing. It hurt so much, standing before her, unable to touch her...

Forced the corners of my mouth to lift, forced my lips to form into a smile... a gentle smile, because I was looking at her. I had to give her what little reassurance I could offer.

"Don't worry. You're human- your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind." A part of my mind envied her because I knew I would never forget, never heal, while a bigger part of my mind never wanted to forget because even painful memories of Bella were better than no Bella at all, and the biggest, most selfish part of all of them all wanted to remain with her at least in her memories, if in no other way.

"And your memories?" Bella asked, choking.

My memories... "Well-" I started and then hesitated, knowing that she knew I could never forget even if I wanted to. "I won't forget. But _my_ kind-", I carefully stressed the word that marked our difference, "we're very easily distracted." And able to think of several things at once, so at least one part of my mind would always think of her. To support my lie, I commanded my lips to form a tranquil smile; I felt the movement in the lower half of my face, but no emotion.

There was nothing more to say. I had to leave, and soon, as long as my resolve was still relatively strong. I could not afford to linger.

"That's everything, I suppose," I said. It would be over soon... "We won't bother you again."

Something in my words caught Bella's attention; I saw the surprise on her face.

"Alice isn't coming back," she realized. My mind supplied me with brief flashes of memories of my lenghty arguments with Alice as I shook my head slowly, my eyes never straying from her face, seeing the pain, the desperation that was reflected inside me. I was cursing myself for causing her this pain... Not only was I leaving her, but I was taking Alice away from her, too. _She would get over it; it had to get worse before it gets better..._

"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye," I confirmed.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."

Bella's breathing was flat and labored, her heartbeat irregular. Her eyes were unfocused, but she seemed composed enough that I could leave her. The time had come.

"Goodbye, Bella."

"Wait!" she suddenly choked out, and it seemed like she was making an effort to move. Her arms reached out for me.

Forcefully suppressing my violent yearning to put my arms around her and feel hers around me in return, I grabbed her wrists and pinned them to her sides. Even this touch was too much for me; the warmth shot up my arms, the familiar tingling feeling spreading in my body. I was unable to resist. I had to touch her face with my lips, kiss her for one last time.

I leaned down and pressed my lips against her smooth, warm forehead, keeping the touch light and moving away quickly.

"Take care of yourself," I whispered.

I felt a twinge of sadness that Bella's eyes were closed and I could not see into them at this crucial moment. The _perfect_ moment.

_Do it now. Turn around. Leave, leave Bella and let her live the life she deserves..._

* * *

But I did not leave. I did not leave. I stood, frozen to the spot, as my mind screamed at me to follow through with the most crucial part of my plan, as my heart pleaded with me to stay, as my body refused to move away from Bella, the reason I had been changed so thoroughly.

I forced my hands to loosen their grips on Bella's wrists, immediately missing her warmth.

_Move now, just turn around... _But the moment had passed.

"No! Don't do this!" Bella's voice. She was desperate. She was hurt. She was in pain. She wanted me to stay. She wanted me to stay... I couldn't.

"Bella-" I started, preparing myself for another round of persuading. And lying.

I stared at Bella's face, fascinated and captivated as always as I watched her facial expression change to one I rarely ever saw. She was _angry_.

She interrupted me, shouting with surprising volume. "So all of it was a lie? Every word, every look, every touch, every kiss? You now decide that you don't want me- that I'm not good enough-" her voice broke, and so did I. I could see her eyes were starting to get glassy and I quickly closed mine so I wouldn't have to see the tears that I had caused.

Bella continued to speak. "What did I do, Edward? What did I do wrong?" _Nothing_; nothing, except loving a creature that should not be loved. "Why didn't you tell me this earlier? Why did you lead me on for so long? I would have understood- I've always known I'm not good enough- that I wouldn't be able to hold you." Anger surged in me, anger directed at myself for not making her see and understand that she was _too good_ for me, that she held me in every way possible- but then how could she believe it if I'd just negated it all? _What have I gotten myself into?_

I could hear Bella sob, every tear which rolled down her beautiful cheeks a remainder of my failure.

I was pain, pure, raw pain; agony, the worst I'd ever felt. Jane's _formidable_ gift was nothing, nothing compared to hearing Bella say these words which held not an ounce of truth in them, seeing the glistening teardrops cascade down her face, caused by me when I had promised myself to never make Bella hurt, make her cry. Instead, that was exactly what I did with every_thing _I did.

I had arrived at a crossroads. My carefully thought-out, foolproof plan was useless; nothing was foolproof enough for a fool like me. I'd thought I'd be able to follow through with it, and here I was, weak, undecided.

I was no longer able to keep up my well-practised, carefully constructed facade and I hated myself for everything I was, everything I could not be for her. I couldn't even redeem myself by letting her go, giving her back the life she should have had.

I opened my eyes to look at Bella's face again.

"Bella-", I said, and nothing of my _perfect act_ remained. I wanted nothing more than touch her soft, warm cheek and wipe away the tears she shouldn't cry for me, but I had no right to.

"Don't cry," I pleaded instead.

"Don't cry?", she said, the acerbic, sarcastic tone of her voice stinging me.

"You say that you don't love me and you expect me to show no emotion?"

The pain had reached a new level. It was like every part of me, every limb, every joint, every empty vein, every cell hurt, screamed in protest; everything in me urged me to correct the words that were _so, so wrong._

I had never said I didn't love her, I was too weak- and still it was what I had intended to make her believe. But now I heard her say the words, I couldn't bear it.

"I never said I didn't love you," I corrected her. I could not let her believe something that was so wrong that the world "lie" was too weak a word to describe it.

Bella laughed, a joyless laugh. "Why else would you leave me?"

Did she honestly not _understand? _Did she not _see?_

"Bella, please don't blame this on yourself. It is my fault, mine alone, but I have made my decision." At least I thought I had.

Bella was trembling and I waited impatiently and anxiously for her reaction. When she spoke again, she sounded close to hysterics.

"Not blame this on myself? How could I not? I'm the human here, the plain, boring human girl who is a walking- no, stumbling and falling danger magnet."

She could not be more wrong about the first part of her statement. I could not deny the second one, though. She'd attracted me, after all.

I was still staring at her face, unsure how to proceed, what to tell her. I would try the truth.

"Bella, I'm leaving you so you can live the life you deserve- it's me who is constantly putting you in danger when you should have a happy human life. You will go to college, you will work, you will find a- husband," Bella marrying someone who was not me... ouch. "You will have children. You will find someone who will give you everything I couldn't give you. Everything I will never be able to give you..." No matter how much I want to...

Bella opened her mouth to speak and I interrupted her because I had to make her understand first.

"Don't you see, Bella?" I said urgently. "Don't you see that I'm doing this for you?"

She stared at me, and it was clear that she did not understand what I meant. I could not decide if that was a good or a bad thing. There was a determined glint in her eyes that sparked something in me. I listened intently to her words, to every nuance in her voice.

"How could you ever think you leaving me would do me any good? I don't want an ordinary, human life. I wouldn't marry and I wouldn't have children because I would never find someone I would love the way I love you. I don't want anything I can't have with you."

She was so certain, so sure... It was so evident that she believed in everything she was saying, that she was telling the truth. Her words soothed me, easing my pain, but it was a treacherous feeling. Just because Bella was sure now didn't mean she'd always be. Unlike mine, her feelings could change. I told her exactly that.

"Bella, you can't know that. Your feelings might change."

"My feelings won't change, Edward. I'm yours, whether you want me or not." So convinced, so certain. It was incredible.

"You shouldn't want me, Bella. Everything about me- my very existence- is putting you in danger, _please_ grasp that!"

She scoffed. "Edward, you're not the one putting me in danger, you're the one saving me from it. If it weren't for you, I'd have been flat as a pancake the day the van almost hit me!"

My mind instantly presented me with the memory of that fateful day. If I hadn't saved her...

"Don't joke about that," I told her.

"I'm not joking, I'm dead serious." And because of me, she might also be dead one day...

There was a sudden change in Bella. Her posture straightened, she took a deep breath. And she looked more afraid then I'd ever seen her. I anxiously waited for her to speak.

"Edward... tell me what you want. Be honest with me. Tell me why you want to leave. If you- don't love me anymore- if you really don't want me- if the danger thing is only an excuse- I promise I'll let you go. I won't argue anymore. I'll let you go."

She didn't look at me. I wanted nothing more than to touch her face, wipe away the tears that were once again falling; to tilt up her face with my hands so I could look into her wonderful, expressive eyes and try to read them. She was willing to let me go.

She was making it easy for me... Just a few words and I could be gone.

I had to see her face, her eyes.

"Bella," I said. "Bella, look at me."

She lifted her eyes and they met mine. And as I looked into her eyes, those eyes I knew so well and loved so much, I knew I would not leave her. I cursed myself for my selfishness, still feebly arguing with myself, but knew that it was all in vain. Because my love for her was stronger than everything else, stronger than my conscience, and staying with her was the only acceptable option.

Then Bella spoke again.

"Edward... if you don't want me, tell me now." She stopped breathing and stood, rigid, her heart beating faster than it should, waiting for my answer. And no longer did I hesitate to give it.

"I want you, I'll always want you," I breathed, overwhelmed by the _rightness_, the immeasurable relief finally speaking the truth again brought.

"So does this mean you'll stay?", Bella asked, still anxious and tense.

The decision was made. I'd stay- if she still wanted me to after the emotional turmoil I'd put her through.

"Do you want me to?" I asked.

Her answer was immediate.

"Yes," she breathed, "Yes. Edward, there's nothing I want more. Stay with me. Forever."

Forever... there it was again. That word, a promise as much as it was a curse. And then suddenly, Bella spoke again.

"Edward- as I said, you don't have to stay with me if you really want to leave. If you don't-"

I cursed myself for not reacting immediately and reassuring her. And I surprised myself by laughing lightly. I could not help it, it was so wonderful, so endearing how she was being so _Bella,_ so effortlessly selfless in a way I could not be even if I tried.

"Bella...," I smiled. It was easy. It felt good. _I would stay_. "Oh, Bella. I want you, I meant it." _Of course I did._

She looked relieved. There was more I had to say, though, something that was important, that I had to tell her so I could make sure she knew.

"And Bella... as I said, I never wanted to because I didn't love you. It was quite the opposite, actually. I never could have even tried to leave you if I didn't love you the way I do. Bella, I love you." It felt so good to be able to say it again, so, so good.

And then Bella started to move towards me and I opened my arms, and then she was there, laying her head against my chest, breathing in deeply. And I felt her, her warmth, smelled her scent and suppressed my body's all too familiar reaction, heard her heartbeat, the most significant sound in my world; and as I held her as close to me as I dared, I knew without a doubt that I had made the right decision. This was how it should be. The complete, absolute happiness that only Bella had ever made me feel had consumed my body again and I wholeheartedly welcomed it back.

I carefully rested my head on hers, feeling her soft hair against my cheek.

I could not resist saying her name, whispering it again and again, marvelling at the fact that she was in my arms. I'd never been prepared to say goodbye forever. What a fool I had been.

We stood, our arms around each other, for an immeasurable amount of time... and then Bella started to speak.

"You really wanted to do it, didn't you? You had made your decision. You really wanted to leave me." It was a statement. And she was correct. That had been the plan.

Bella lifted her head off my chest and looked at me. I was torn between the guilt I felt for attempting to leave and the guilt I felt for staying. But I would not lie to Bella anymore. I couldn't have even if I wanted to.

"Yes, I wanted to leave you. After what happened on your birthday... I thought it would be best... I couldn't stand the thought of you being hurt because of me... Because I, selfish, egoistic creature that I am, wasn't able to stay away from you."

"Edward," she whispered. I watched as she lifted her hand, and then she touched my cheek. Her amazing warmth seeped into my skin and my skin tigled as she slowly carressed my face. I closed my eyes in pure enjoyment. How could I ever live as much as a day without her touch?

"I don't know how I could ever have thought I would be able to leave you and live without you," I breathed. "That I'd be able to lie to you."

"So you lied, didn't you?" Of course I did! How could she ask that?

"Yes, I did," frowning the thought of her believing even a single one of those atrocious lies I had told.

"I would never have told a single one of those lies if I hadn't been convinced I was doing what was best for you... only for you... And I should have been stronger... I'm a very good liar. I have to be. I was prepared to lie to you for hours. But you... your words... you are far too perceptive, you know me far too well... I can't lie to you the way I lie to other humans. And the way you looked at me-" I swallowed.

Bella spoke.

"You _are_ a very good liar. You were very convincing. Absolutely emotionless. I believed everything when you said you didn't want me."

The honesty in her words cut me deeply. Her words only echoed my own perception, though.

"I saw that. In the beginning, you believed every word. You didn't contradict me, you accepted my outrageous lies. Why, Bella? Why did you believe even one of my ridiculous, absurd words?"

This was crucial for me to know. I impatiently waited for her answer, even though I knew I would not like it. And I didn't.

"Because you were so very right... I'm not good enough for you, I never will be." Her voice was as unsteady as her heartbeat.

"I still wonder how I could have made you stay." _No, no, no! So wrong, so, so wrong..._

She shivered in my arms_, _but I instinctively knew that my actions, not my body at caused it.

I had to make things right again. I had to convince her, she had to know what she meant to me, that she was worth everything and more. I swore to myself I'd spend all the time left to me in this world to make her believe the truth about herself and the truth about the unbreakable, eternal hold she had on me.

"Bella...," I sighed.

"There is no way I could live without you. Even trying to leave you hurt more than I can stand... You can't imagine how difficult it was for me, lying to you. No one has ever made me react the way I do when I'm around you. I thought I was prepared to see you cry and remain distant- I really am a fool, the biggest fool. I know now that I won't be able to leave you as long as you don't say you want me to."

"I will never want you to," she said. "I'm sorry, but you'll have to continue saving me from danger."

There was nothing I'd rather do.

I chuckled. "I will. I won't let anyone harm you." A fierce promise. I would keep it.

And then, suddenly, in the quiet hum of thoughts in my head I'd managed to drown out when I had concentrated solely on Bella, I heard a very distinct voice that insisted on being heard.

_"Edward, EDWARD!"_ it shouted. Very quietly for Alice's standards, though. She must still be at quite a distance from here; I could hear her from miles and miles away, her thoughts were the ones I was best attuned to, because I was so used to reading them, sharing her visions. And because she was so loud.

I laughed as she bombarded me with thoughts in rapid succession, so quickly that I could barely read them all. The fragments _"I told you so! I knew you'd stay, even though I couldn't see it! Great, Edward, now we have to move all our stuff back to Forks... the things we do for you, little brother... But at least you made a right decision for once... Oooh, I can't wait to see Bella again..."_

"What is it?" Bella asked curiously, wanting to know why I was laughing.

"Alice. I can hear her thoughts from miles away. She's overjoyed. They'll all be back before tonight," I explained.

"I'll see Alice again!", Bella exclaimed happily, painfully reminding me of what I had wanted to take away from her. Never again.

"Yes, you will. She's looking forward to seeing you. All of them are. None of them approved of my decision. They didn't want to see what I'd be like without you. I was bad enough in the last days, trying to make up my mind."

I'd have to apologize to all of them for making them go through this. They'd all been right.

Bella smiled, the corners of her face lifting slightly, and the urge to touch her face was irresistible.

My hands left her back and carefully rested on both sides of her face. Her soft, warm skin felt incredible and I very slowly, very carefully stroked her cheeks with my thumbs.

She reacted exactly the way I had hoped. The blood surged to her cheeks and tainted them a singularly lovely shade of pink. And to think I'd been willing to leave that behind...

"I'm sorry... so very sorry... No words of apology will ever be enough for what I did." The words forced their way out of me as the familiar self-loathing burned hot in my veins.

"Don't be sad," Bella pleaded. "Don't be angry with yourself. I understand what you wanted to do. It's okay."

Once again, _she_ was the one consoling _me _when it should be the other way around.

"No, it's not, and it never will be." I sighed. "All I know is that I have to be where you are."

She smiled, a happy, unrestrained smile that was bright like the sun.

"That is a very good thing," Bella said. "Because I love you."

After today, after the last weeks, after all... she still loved me. And I couldn't feel guilty about it when her words made me want to sing and jump and tell everyone that the most wonderful woman in the world loved _me_.

"I love you too," I replied and listened to the quickening of her heartbeat in response. Wonderful, indeed. I would tell her I loved her again and again, until nothing and no one, including me, could ever make her doubt it again.

For now, there was only one thing left to do. It still surprised me just how much I craved for it every single time.

Her face still between my hands, I very slowly lowered my head until my lips were inches from hers. I felt her warm, tantalizing breath on my face and watched as she closed her eyes in anticipation.

My eyes closed, too, and then my lips were touching hers and I was lost in the incomparable, unsurpassable sensation that was kissing Bella. Her lips moved against mine, perfectly in tune, and I felt light as air.

I knew I had to stop when the scorching thurst made itself known. And when I realized Bella wasn't breating. I regretfully ended the kiss, but didn't move my face away from hers.

"Breathe, Bella," I whispered, and she took a deep breath. I was content watching her face, taking in her flushed cheeks, sparkling eyes and red lips.

"Edward... You won't ever do something like this again, will you? Promise me."

"I will stay by your side as long as you want me to. I promise," I vowed.

I pulled her close to me again, needing to feel her against me, one of my hands on her back while the other one was on the back of her head, gently pressing it against my chest. My own, personal heaven and the only one I would ever need.

And I knew that there were problems left to solve, that we would continue to argue about Bella's mortality, that with our luck, there would be lots of obstacles to overcome that we didn't know about yet... But for once, I didn't worry.

We were here, Bella and I, and we were together, as we belonged. We loved each other; and that was the only thing that mattered. Nothing on earth could change that.

* * *

**A/N:** _So that's it- I hope it didn't disappoint you. Thank you for reading this until the end!_


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